We had something similar to this at our last doctor appointment. I assumed that the new doc we were seeing for that appointment would read the chart and have some basic info about us and Noah. I guess not. She starts off asking about the birth and we give the basics about the delivery and such. Then she mentions the word adoption and things got confusing for us all. Because we had just explained that Nerdstar had delivered Noah just fine, I thought she might have insight enough to ask if I'd adopted Noah, but me explaining that VA isn't a friendly state seemed to confuse the doc a lot. I still have no idea why she was bringing up adoption. From there it was a really short exam and then the nurse came in and give him his shots.
The other annoying thing about the doc visits is this whole list of questions the nurse or doc asks, such as are there weapons in the house, who all lives in the house, etc. The first time they were asked I thought it was odd, but didn't dwell on it. Then on his second visit they asked all the same questions. I was annoyed and said we just answered them last time. The nurse said they ask them every time. I guess that makes sense in that yes, something could have changed in two months. But on the next visit I'm going to make sure to ask why they ask these questions and if the answers are private or are reported somewhere.
I kinda wish there was some big, red flag in his medical chart saying "lesbian parents."
Just like you never stop coming out as a gay person - every time you get to know someone new you have to decide on telling them or not - it's going to be the same with Noah and his having two moms.
At IHOP, a Chinese waitress asked Nerdstar if her husband was white, she could tell Noah was mixed. The rest of the convo was in Chinese, so I don't know all of what Nerdstar explained. But, we have to decide all the time on just how long and involved a conversation we want to have with anyone who wants to chat with us about Noah. Do we let them keep their assumptions or try to explain? I've got no problem telling anyone and everyone we're both his moms, but it does take time and patience.
And I understand people not leaping to the conclusion we're both his mom. Even if people are used to seeing/recognizing lesbian or gay couples out in public, and I think for the most part people are, the addition of a baby really does change the picture. It's reasonable to people to assume there's a man involved somewhere if there's a baby.
I don't mind it all too much really. I learned a long time ago I am under no obligations to tell anyone anything. But I also don't mind having nice conversations with random people. I'm sure that's partly because I've never had anyone be a total jerk.
5 years ago