So, yes, I am thankful beyond measure I get to stay at home with Noah. I love watching him change and grow. I love how he smiles when he sees me, how he wakes up happy. I love taking him to the store with me and asking what he thinks of it all. I don't love the screaming when he's hungry, or the times he's bored and nothing works. And honestly, I don't love the housework - never have, never will. The dishes and laundry and vacuuming, the litter box and the trash.
I explained that I feel like taking care of Noah is a job equal to her going to work. Therefore, all the housework is extra stuff for both of us, except, in reality, I do have a lot more time to get it done, in no small part because of the stupid time she spends commuting. We can only dream how much better it would be if she got home from her 9-5 at 5:30 like normal people instead of an average of 6:30.
I explained that staying home with Noah all the time is a little like the time she spent on Mosul. There was always, always a chance that a mortar would come crashing in at anytime. In fact, she came within minutes of being blown up once, and her poor laundry drying on the line was blown up. Now, it's not that Noah is deadly, but it's that same sort of constant underlying stress. You never know when the next screaming/crying will start or stop, or that you'll know what to do about it, or anything really.
Therefore, I just need a little break sometimes. Monday was one of the bad days, and I spent Tuesday and a little bit of Wednesday thinking about getting away today. But, I don't really want to spend the day away from them. I like watching her get to spend time with him, seeing him smile at her. But even if I say she's 100% in charge of him, she's not really, she has the comfort of a backup here.
I think she gets it a little better, but until it's really just the two of them for twelve or more hours, well, she won't fully know.
That said, I am also extremely grateful that she tries to understand, and that she gladly takes over of Noah duty, and helps with the dishes and bottles, and goes to work so we can all eat well. If I had a spouse that didn't - I think I'd kill them in their sleep.