On being a lesbian mom in a straight mommy group.
Now, it's not a straight mommy group by design, more by default. There's one other lesbian couple, but they both work, so we weren't not usually at the same get togethers. Also, there is a gay parents' group, but it's just a little too far, and they don't get together nearly as often. The straight moms are really nice and active. One of the leaders of the group is a friend of mine and Nerdstar's. And there have been a few events that both of us could attend, so there's a sub-group of the group that has met us both.
But, there are things I wonder about.
Not having a rainbow tattooed on my forehead, there's no way for them to know I'm a lesbian mom when they first meet me. Well, there's my profile on the website, but who reads those? So there will always be some sort of "coming out" involved. And that's ok with me - that's how gay life goes. But I'm sure it's not something they're necessarily expecting to come across in a moms' group.
So, one thing - is it fair that since we're both moms, we can both go to the events? Yes, this group has events where spouses/partners are welcome. But it kinda feels like cheating. (Like in high school when I had my first g/f and before everyone knew what we were up to and we could spend the night together - whereas no one gets to spend the night with their boyfriend.)
Another thing is when they talk - good and bad - about their husbands. It's not that I can't or don't talk about Nerdstar, but well, husbands are different. And while she can be an awfully lot like a man sometimes, I don't have a lot of the same issues they do. She's still a mom - not a dad.
Then there are the pregnancy/childbirth stories. No, I wasn't the one pregnant or giving birth - but I was very affected by the pregnancy and involved in the birth. I just wonder how they view it. (I'm not close enough to any of them to ask.)
Anyway. I'm really enjoying getting to know these moms. I'm just aware of being "one of these things is not like the others" sometimes.
5 years ago