Saturday, January 21, 2012

Invisible Again

I spent several years living alone before I met Nerdstar. Even after we got together, I had lots of alone time when she would be deployed with the army. Alone isn't a state I'd like to be in again long term, but I don't hate it. I don't mind going out to eat alone, or to see a movie, or to hang out at a bookstore.

So, having not been alone at all in over a year and a half (well, there was one Sunday afternoon Nerdstar took Noah to the grocery store without me) I was feeling the need.

I took the afternoon and drove up to a favorite restaurant of ours, then headed to the mall to do some people watching. (I was nice and brought Nerdstar home some chili.) It was just a few hours of just me and my brain, and it was kinda nice. (My brain wasn't being a complete dick today.)

I realized just how much mental and physical energy Noah takes. It's not that I don't people watch at all when he's with me, it's just more glances at people than actual watching. I'm constantly aware of him and where he is and what he's doing and what he might do next and what he needs. It's like white noise I didn't even notice until he wasn't there.

It was also weird but nice to be invisible again. See, as a short, overweight, over 40 woman, I am mostly invisible to the world. And I was/am ok with that. Then along came Noah and he's so damned cute that he gets noticed a lot and talked to some. I thought it must be how the normal friends of celebrities must feel when they're out without their friend. It's not that they get attention themselves, but they're still around it and in it with their celebrities.

Anyway. Still got my fingers crossed on being able to find a babysitter so next time Nerdstar can come with me!

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