Fun With Pets

The cats have wanted to go outside from just about day one.  We really wanted to wait until Spring for that to happen.  Then lately, there has been puddles of pee just in front of the two litter boxes.  The other night, Ching caught Ramen doing that.  Poor old puppy.  He might have actually been trying for the box.  (Dealing with Ramen and his old age is a different post.)

We decided the most simple solution was to put the pet door back in.  We bought one several years ago that is an insert in the sliding door to the deck.  It lets in drafts of cold air and such, so we had taken it out mostly because we didn't have Silly and Little Man to go in and out anymore. 

It's been fun this morning to "teach" Peppa and George to use it and to watch them venture out, Peppa more bravely than George, into the outdoors. 

Our Special Boy

Noah's speech delay was obvious.  He makes slow, but steady progress.  It was easy enough to get him speech therapy.  No problem.

But.  Then came the phrase "developmentally delayed."  I'm not sure we've ever been very clear on what that means.  I don't think I even paid any attention to it the first year or more.  I would get frustrated with his speech therapist the year he was two because she always seemed more concerned with his not paying attention to the activities than to his speech.  (I thought the activities bored him.)  It was at the end of that year we found out she really was doing developmental therapy - not speech - because he didn't have enough speech for speech therapy. 

When he was three, we sent him to a regular, private pre-school.  In our minds, this was mostly because he loves being around other kids so much, and then, of course, it was also a good way for him to work on his speech. 

We were a little surprised at the end of that school year to have his teacher and his development person tell us they thought he'd be better off in a special needs class.  That took a while to sink in. 

We've never had someone explain to us exactly how and why he's delayed. 

Sure, we get the IEPs that tell us he's at X years and months for X abilities according to their charts.  We're never sure those accurately measure our boy.  Sometimes it's things he can do at home but doesn't do at school that are slightly off.  Or, it's things we think are mostly due to his being an only child. 

But, we followed the advice and put him in the school he's in this year.  A classroom with three teachers, a helper, and his speech therapy once a week.  There are supposed to be 8 special needs kids and four regular kids in his class.  There are a wide variety of special needs in his class.  The teacher also comes to our house every other week for 45 minutes of activities for him and is really good about answering any questions we have. 

This year we at least feel like his main teacher mostly understands him.  He had a IEP that was supposed to last until Feb. or so, and they're already amending it because he reached those goals.  I think at the end of January we all have another meeting to start figuring out what to do with him next year.  We're also happy that his goals are concrete and seem suited to where he is at now.

Our goal is to keep him on grade level and not hold him back.  But, we do know there are circumstances where that might not be possible.  We were happy to hear there are smaller, specialized kindergarten classes he might qualify for next year. 

Anyway.  All that to get to this.

He's getting closer to four and a half and shows no interest in potty training.  We have the two weeks of Christmas break coming up and I'm going to make a more focused effort and see how it goes.  For two or three months he's had so much trouble with pooping, we're afraid he's getting a complex about it. Last night we really wondered if him not wanting to take a bath was due to being afraid he'd poop in the tub.  We'd given him some poop meds for two days and it was starting to work.  He needed to poop and just wouldn't do it.  I swear he has an amazing ability to hold poop in.

He did poop overnight and was so happy this morning that he and I could just clean up him and his diaper and he didn't have to sit on the potty for poop.  We clapped and did high fives that he pooped at all.

We often find we don't know how far to push Noah and when to back off in the interest of not screwing up the future.  He is so stubborn in such a quiet way.  And he forgets nothing. 

Then there's the new NO phase, the telling us "Shhhh Quiet" when we tell him to do something.  The hitting us when he's frustrated.  The yelling we do.  The meltdowns.  It really feels like he finally hit the terrible two/three phase.  His being so tall and strong makes it harder to literally handle him than if he had done this back at age two or three. 

Is this part of the developmentally delayed stuff?? 

His teacher saw one of his meltdowns last week after school.  She and I were talking after class, everyone else left.  Then he didn't want to get in the car and go home.  I got him out the door of the school.  Then moved him along to the car.  He's saying NO over and over.  We get to the car and now I'm out of patience.  It's cold and raining and he won't get his backpack off and get in the car.  I finally get the backpack off of him and throw it in the car.  I finally yell at him, pick him up, and wrangle him into the car.  Sigh.

She said there really wasn't much to do differently.  I had talked nicely to him, offered him choices, told him he could have his gum once he got in the car (he usually loves that), told him he could watch his favorite cartoon when he got him.  None of the nice worked. 

In the car he's still crying and yelling and saying NO.  I tell him if he doesn't stop he'll have to go home and go to bed.  Four minutes later he says, "no bed", stops crying, and is fine.  Sigh.

Over the weekend he had other meltdowns over baths, bedtime, etc.  It's leaving us feeling exhausted and frustrated and horrible.  When they're over he seems fine.  But he's getting to the age he'll start remembering all of this later. 

His teacher is good with suggestions on a lot of this.  But I think Ching and I both feel alone together in this.  Over the weekend I was ready to pack it all up and move to Texas where there is at least family to hand him over to sometimes, and better food. 

Parenting is all trial and error.  It's figuring it out as you go along.  It's praying for wisdom and patience.  It's limitless love and limited patience. 

Evil Genius

After school today, Noah's teacher went over the information for his upcoming IEP.  It's about how he's doing in school with language, social skills, motor skills, etc. and what the plan is to help him along the next few months.

It says:

Noah occasionally adopts a directive mode and will tell another child that an adult wants them (when they don't) so he can take their toy when they leave.  Or, he will tell the lights helper it's time to turn off the lights for clean up time without an adult giving the request.  (This is so he can stop doing whatever activity it is he's not enjoying.)

HA!

We kinda proud of his planning and carrying out such plans.  The nice part of the first one is that at least he's not just yanking some other kids toys from them.  He continues to be very polite in his evil ways and refusals to do things. 

Oh my. 

Public Meltdowns

After being stuck in the house for a couple of days, we decided we'd take Noah to the big indoor play place with the big inflated slides and stuff.  He was talking about the big slides on the way there. 

Once we got there, something didn't set well with him and he started clinging to Ching and wouldn't go into the play area.  This is phase one of his meltdowns.  Kinda silent refusal.  Sometimes we can coax him out of this.  Sometimes we have to be more forceful and physically carry him or move him along.  If we can coax and move and be patient, sometimes he'll be ok and things are fine.

Other times he just melts down.  He will lay on the floor and wrap his arms around Ching's legs and cry NO NO NO... 

This usually ends in me picking him up and carrying him out of wherever we are and getting him into his car seat.  You know how tall and strong his is, so you know this is no easy task. 

This is the second time we've had to come home from trying to take him to go play.  The other time was at the park.  Same thing, he wanted to go to the park, and then when we got there he refused to go play, refused to go home, refused everything. 

Both times we came home and put him in his room for a few minutes and everyone cooled off and he was fine.  The rest of the evening he acts like nothing happened.  

We just don't know what to do. He is so epically stubborn.  These episodes aren't pretty.  And later we feel horrible. 

First semi-scary movie

Last night, Ching was doing the usual bathing of the boy and getting him ready for bed.  I had headed downstairs and was just starting to watch a 1971 Spielberg film called Duel.  The description sounded just strange enough and there was nothing else on.  (Duel is a 1971 television (and later full-length theatrical) thriller film directed by Steven Spielberg and written by Richard Matheson, based on Matheson's short story of the same name. It stars Dennis Weaver as a terrified motorist stalked on a remote and lonely road by the mostly unseen driver of a mysterious tanker truck.)  I enjoyed seeing things from 1971 - old cars with the old instrument panels, pay phones, etc. 

Noah, as he sometimes does, came downstairs to get something he'd left down there and to see what I was up to.  But, instead of heading back upstairs, he sat on the sofa with me and began to watch the movie.

Now, I can see how a simple, prolonged scene with a bright orange car and a big truck driving along could get his attention.  I didn't expect it to keep his attention.

We kept trying to get him to stop watching it and go to bed, but he wasn't having it.

The good thing was, the movie was tense, but not really scary or violent or bloody or sexy or anything.

So, he got his first taste of a movie making him all anxious and nervous. The times when the truck tried to run the car off the road, or into the on-coming train, and failed - Noah would say "whew, that was close". 

At one point we were laughing and I said, well, of course he likes it, it could only be better if it had a helicopter or firetruck.  A minute later there's a big long train.  Then we really cracked up, because of course there's a cool train in this movie! 

He watched the whole thing.  Then was hard to get upstairs and get into bed because he'd stayed up a little late.  But, he slept through the night, so that's good. 

Tying the Knot

As most of you know, the Supreme Court didn't do something a few weeks ago, so now gay marriage is legal in our dear state of Virginia.

We were kinda surprised by this.  At first, we really didn't think too much of it or have any grand plans.  As it sunk in, and we thought about it, we decided why not. 

Now, if that seems underwhelming, well, we've been together well over 15 years.  We own a house, have a kid, have pets, you know - all the things that make most people married already. 

Also, as most of you know, getting married is a two step process - get the license and then have the ceremony.  Neither of these was as easy to schedule as they could have been.  We had thought that Monday the 3rd would be good - we could go to the courthouse in the morning and then have the ceremony and a good lunch.  Noah is out of school that day.  But, the person we (I) chose to do the officiating wasn't available that day. 

Well, Ching had a doctor's appointment scheduled for this afternoon, so we decided she could take the whole day and we could go to the courthouse this morning.  And that's what we did.  We now have the state's license to get married.  Took longer to drive there than to get the forms and pay the fee.  It all felt bureaucratic, not romantic.  (I know, the romance is in the next part.) 

The official ceremony is next Thursday evening at our house.  Just us and Noah. 

I told Ching if she just imagined she was writing some loving words about beef noodle soup and applied them to me I'd be pretty happy. 

I also told her she's getting upgraded from Baby Mama to Wife.  heh. 

I think that until the ceremony is all said and done, I always have this fear in the back of my mind something will prevent this from happening.  But, as the day creeps closer, we get a little more excited. 

After the Supreme Court decision, we got a letter from our lawyer that explained this also means I can finally adopt Noah.  That makes me very happy!  That process will start after the ceremony and hopefully won't take too long. 

Big Changes Update

We're a few weeks into school and so far he still really loves it.  He's learning his friends names this year.  From what we know he's following directions well and having fun.  Two cool things that have happened since school started.  He will let us read books to him now.  He would usually just flip through the pages really fast and either name the things on the page or just ignore it all.  Now, on Wednesdays they check out books from the little school library and he will let us read it to him along with some books we already had.  He also busted out the Pledge of Allegiance the other day.  He couldn't say the whole thing, so he made us take turns saying it - and then he'd tell us "good job".

Another new thing is he's starting to sing along with songs in the car.  He's always loved music, but hasn't generally been a singer.  The past couple of weeks, his favorite songs are "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore - about being all grown up and out on your own, which is pretty funny for a four year old, and "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift.  Could be worse.  He's also likes No Doubt's "Hella Good".  He's down with the chick singers.

In the mornings, he's also doing some music time when getting out of bed.  He'll turn on his little Casio keyboard, hand me the bongos, get his little guitar and play along to the pre-set tunes on the keyboard.  I think it's pretty cool!  He's always been able to keep a beat, and now he strums along to the rhythm.

The downside of everything is this whole no naps change.  Ugh.  It's horrible.   And it's taking longer to adjust than I would have thought. 

The first hard part of this school year is that he doesn't go to school until noon.  So when he wakes up at 7:30 I've got a good four hours to fill.  I'm not good at that.  Especially now that he's not so into going to the park in the morning.  (Extra special fun - our favorite park has been removed, we can only assume they're going to replace all the equipment.)  We play in his room a little while.  He finally decided to play with the little train and track we got from Ikea two years ago.  Then we watch his cartoons on the computer while I make the coffee and his juice and snacks.  We head downstairs for Disney Jr and my shower time.  By now it's 9:30 or 10 if I'm lucky.  He and I just aren't good at indoor activities.  But, I'm working on it.  Gonna try a few little games and stuff.  Pretty soon it'll be too cold to go outside anyway. 

I'm so happy when he goes to school.  You know, until an hour in and I actually miss him a little. I'm also very aware that this is my last year to have this much time with him.  It's hard, but I really am trying to enjoy it as much as possible. 

This year when he comes home from school he's really trying to tell me more about it, and then tell Ching when she gets home.  That's cool! 

He and I have about another hour and a half to fill before Ching comes home.  Mostly he wants to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Then more snacks.  I try to get him to at least play in the front yard a little.  In spite of cooler temps, the mosquitoes have been horrible.

We know we need to get him to start eating dinner with us and trying new foods, but he's so hungry after school, in spite of eating snacks there, it's hard to make him wait until our dinner is ready.

By this time of day, he has gotten so very tired, and then so very excited that Ma is finally home, that he's terrible.  A little hyper, a little emotional.  Sigh.  He's still learning how to function while tired.  It's not pretty. While we're aware he's still better behaved than a lot of kids, it doesn't make it easier.

The big upside to no naps is he's finally getting to bed earlier.  7:30 bath times, asleep by 9. 

Growing up is hard work.