Take 4

Today was our fourth attempt at getting preggers in two years.

This time was a little different. On Monday morning she went and got an ultrasound or some such thing to see if there was an egg in there ready for action. There was. So, I had to give her a shot in the thigh Monday night to get the egg in motion. This morning we went to the doc's office for the insemination. When Nerdstar looked at the sperms under the microscope all she said was "They're tiny!" That cracked up the doc and nurse.

I was joking with Nerdstar in the waiting room that if this try doesn't take I'm going to start sending her out to bars with one of our single friends and she can get some dude drunk and take advantage of him and get knocked up the old fashioned way :-) The ladies at the doc's office almost thought that was funny.

Now we're back in the two week waiting game. There's no way to not be positive and optimistic and hopeful. But there's also no way to wish a baby into existence. And there's no way to know anything before two weeks is up.

No Third Time Charm

Sigh. It really sucks to spend 12 days sort of trying not to hope and be optimistic, and then find yourself hoping and being optimistic anyway - only to have all hope and optimism come to an abrupt end.

No baby this try.

But I am optimistic (ugh) it won't be eight months before the next try.

Third Times A Charm?

I didn't really realize just how long it had been since our last try until the other day.

Well, Monday was squirt day. I was so afraid it wasn't all going to work out.

We were in Atlantic City for the weekend, and according to prior tracking, Nerdstar wasn't supposed to ovulate until Monday, which would have been great. But me being me, I took along the pee sticks just in case. Sure enough, 5 a.m. Sunday she gets up to pee and there are two pink lines. Ugh. This meant a whole day of me worrying about things before we could find out possibilities Monday morning.

On her way into work Monday morning Nerdstar has to contact the sperm bank and see if it's possible for me to pick up the container that day. They say yes, but it's an extra $100. Fine. In the past we couldn't pick up the same day we called, so this is good news. Then she has to coordinate with the doctor's office and try to get in on a busy Monday. They tell her to be there before 2. Ugh. Now she has to try to explain to her higher ups at work she all the sudden has a doctor's appointment that afternoon. Not fun. In the meantime, I'm driving an hour one way to go pick up the container.

I get to the doc's office about 1:30, the time Nerdstar and I hoped to meet up there. 2:00 rolls around, then 2:30. The people in the doc's office start feeling bad for me and hoping she makes it in time.

About 2:50 Nerdstar finally gets there and we both a little frustrated. Not a good time to be frustrated - relaxed would be better.

The whole insemination takes maybe twelve minutes - ten of which is Nerdstar lying still after.

The nurse who did the procedure said everything looked perfect.

Now it's the weird time - the time between insemination and seeing if it "took." I compared it to Schrodinger's Cat, although that's probably not an entirely accurate comparison. It's just that there's no way to know if there's a baby in the process of forming or not for two weeks. It takes the first ten days or so for sperm to meet egg, egg to wander around, and then finally implant itself in the uterine wall.

Today is day five. Ten more and we'll know if we get to keep worrying about there being a baby in there.

Sad

Try 2 didn't take either. I read yesterday that the chance of conception any given month is 20-25%. Ugh.

It's weird to feel sad about losing something that in reality never existed. But there are those crazy two weeks when you end up hoping and planning and wishing into being a little human being.

Take 2

Yesterday the planets aligned and Nerdstar was ready for insemination take 2. And this time I got to be there with her. I've been telling her for a very long time now that we're going to have twins - a boy and a girl. So after the nurse did her thing and left Nerdstar to chill for a few minutes, I put my hand on her belly and said "Wonder Twins Activate!" hehehehe

I've also been singing 'I'm gonna knock you up" to the tune of "mama says knock you out".

I have no idea the actual odds of her getting preggers this time. So it's another very, very long two weeks of waiting.

From Dec. 2, 2003

I wrote this on my blog five years ago. What a long, and in some ways good, some ways really bad five years it's been. It's hard, exciting, frustrating, patience trying, trying to get preggers.

I was going to leave a comment in the post below to answer Emmie's comment, but then it got kinda long, figured I'd just write a new post.

Before I found out I couldn't get pregnant (about a year or so ago), I was going to have a baby that looked like me, then Nerdstar was going to have a baby that looked like her, and if we had more, we'd mix it up. Yes, I was being selfish and wanted a little girl that looked just like me.

The month she found out she was being called to active duty was the month she was going to try to get pregnant for the first time. Obviously, that's been postponed until she gets home. I've told her that she can choose whatever type of sperm she wants. Neither of us will care one bit what our kids look like. By the time we actually have any they could be blue and orange and we wouldn't care. Fortunately, even my parents don't seem to care - they just want more grandchildren any way they can get them!

It's fun to watch people when she and I go out with my nephew Zachary and she's the one carrying him or holding his hand as they walk and I'm walking behind them - people usually look at them kinda funny, look around and see me, then you can see them thinking "oh, ok." And this is in the liberal city of Austin, not small town Texas.

I know there are tons of interracial people out there, one of my good friends is Scottish/Chinese. We'd be thrilled if our daughter turned out as pretty as she is. (hi Dawn!) I just worry about all the "stupid baggage" our kids will be carrying around as kids of an interracial lesbian couple. I joke around that I won't be saving for their college, I'll be saving for their therapy - there are scholarships for college :-) If you want to know why I worry, well, read the comments on any gay parents news story over on Lucianne sometime.

I'm Not Competing

We went to a baby shower yesterday. The first one I've been to in over fifteen years. It was fun. We got to take Ramen dog to play with a couple of other dogs. And there were two eight month olds there, a boy and a girl.

Until Nerdstar is actually pregnant or we have a kid of our own. it's always going to be hard for me to be around little kids. It just makes me sad and jealous.

But what was also interesting to see first hand is how competitive parenting has become.

Of course, I read about such things, and hear about such things, especially in this DC area, or in NYC. But it's interesting to see how pervasive and even subtle it can be. My kid did X and such and such time, when did yours?

We have lots of conversations about what kind of kid we might have - a total pink princess - what kind of parents we'll be - the name of this blog is a good clue. Yesterday we talked about hanging out with other parents, mothers to be, etc. We'll have to see how that does.