Mullings

I'm still mulling over this whole gay/christian thing. You get to mull along with me.

On FB I said that the hardest thing is that it's practically impossible to find a church to attend. Yes, there are congregations of various sorts that are gay friendly. I'm not so hot on their theology. And churches whose theology I share, have a view of gays that isn't helpful. (Keep reading - this isn't about westboro types!)

I'm pretty sure the average Christian sees gays as people in the "lost needing to be saved" category. They think if gays are introduced to Christ and start attending church then becoming straight is a part of that process. So, if someone like me, a lifelong Christian who is also gay shows up at their church, not looking to not be gay, but to be closer to God, well, that poses a dilemma.

And maybe they're right. I started attending church when I was five. I "came out" when I was 17. And in all the time since I was 17, I've tried to find the answer to being both gay and a Christian. I spent many years going to church thinking being straight would work out for me eventually. Who knows, maybe it would have. But I fell absolutely in love with a young woman and that started me on my current path. So, then I tried for many years to give up being a Christian. That hasn't worked either.

The church I used to go to in Austin taught a lot about "being in the wilderness." I feel like I've been on a deserted island.

Is my current life the perfect plan God had for me? Maybe not. I'm not sure anyone I knew all those years ago achieved that perfect plan. Maybe they have. I know some who are still missionaries and many who have lovely marriages and families.

But that's not even the right question anymore. Because this is my life. This is my family. And I'm not giving it up or leaving it. Does that put space between God and I? Maybe. But does it mean I can't have a relationship with him at all? I can't imagine that to be true.

But it's hard out here alone.

The flip side of this is how my gay friends feel about the church. I'd say hostile and hurt.

I don't know the answers. But I know God's love and grace abound.

It's Fun and Easy

Shopping isn't my favorite thing to do. But, I love amazon.com and free shipping. Noah's pretty good when we go grocery shopping (unless Nerdstar is with us) but shopping for other things, or things where I need to take my time and check out different products, that's more tricky. So, it's just easier and more fun to order things online.

In the next few days, here's a list of things that will be arriving by mail: diapers - overnight and daytime, bubbles - gymboree bubbles are really good, Rudy's bbq sauce, bras, and prints of pictures. Fun!

Happy 2nd birthday, Noah Maxx!

Just to note, that the reason why I've only selected a picture of Noah's birthday cake to post was because the other pictures that we've taken were really not all that good. He was so tired by the time that we've got the cake and Ritz crackers got more of his attention than the cake itself. If we get the pictures which were taken of him by a much more competent photographer while we were at C-Ville, we'll post them!

Noah is finally 2! Lot of things are happening with him, not only is he growing taller and heavier, he is also developing a taste for the types of music that he likes, experimenting with more ways to annoy us just enough so we'll do what he wants (think about a human siren that rings nonstop), and goofier than ever before! We caught him checking himself in the mirror this evening, not only was he smiling at himself, he was also posing!! We just about laughed both of our asses off!

I really look forward to going home after work everyday to hear him laugh and cheer at my arrival, his "updates" on what has happened during the day, and me chasing him around so I can try and catch him after his baths (he can now get out of the tub himself and if you don't get his just right, he'll take off running.) so he doesn't pee on the floor, which has happened before.

He has brought such joy into our lives, that pretty much nothing can compare to it. I just hope that we will continue to do our best to keep him happy, goofy, and healthy!

And yet another new thing, our little man has developed a serious baby look!

2 Whole Years

We made it! I feel like this is a bigger achievement for Nerdstar and I than for Noah.

I can't believe this time last year he wasn't walking, or dancing. He didn't have a preference for music or when to play it and in what order. His diet hasn't really changed. He's added in some crunchy/salty stuff, but he's still a fruit and dairy dude. Actually, he insists on eating the crunchy nature valley granola bars every day.

His speech is slowly improving. There's still a lot of "more" and "this" and "outside" and "up". Yesterday he said "have this" which is his first two word phrase, which is a good sign. He talks our ears off sometimes and we wish so much we knew what he was telling us. But he's also quiet a lot of the time. I've gotten him to where he'll play outside or in his room by himself for about fifteen or twenty minutes at a time. Some days that saves his life and my sanity.

More than anything, he's a sweet, calm, good-natured kid who I know is eventually going to rub off on me and make me a better person.

This weekend for his birthday, we headed back down to Charlottesville to get his pictures taken again. We've become hotel snobs, so we did it right and stayed at the Omni in the old downtown area and it was great. Our boy loves hotels! He loves all the drawers and the big bed! He was so tired that night that it was hard to get him to go to sleep in the crib. So, we put him up on our bed and he fell asleep in a few minutes. We put him in the crib, but then he woke up. He ended up sleeping in the big bed with us for the first time. Of course, he slept mostly perpendicular to us and Nerdstar got the feet end of him!

Noah's totally into buses these days and we saw that there was a free bus that makes a circle around downtown and the university area. He was a little hesitant to get on board because up close it's big and loud. But he was SO happy to ride around on it.

Sunday morning we got up and had breakfast and then headed to the pool. He loves bath time, but he does not like pools! He did ok with Nerdstar holding him and walking around with him in the water. I joked that he's so skinny he'd just sink right to the bottom and not float like we do. About fifteen minutes later he and I are on the steps and he takes a step in the wrong direction and ends up face down in the water - and sinks like a rock. I was right there and got him out in two seconds and he was fine and not very scared. It was kinda funny - in a scary way for us.

It was a quick trip and the driving times interfered with his nap times. Thankfully he's the kind of kid who gets klutzy instead of fussy when he's tired.

We went to Diary Queen to get him just a little ice cream cake (I didn't know there's are all ice cream with frosting, no cake - which is fine) so we could put a couple of candles in it and take his picture and let him eat some ice cream. Poor baby was just too tired. (Nerdstar will post a pic or two later.)

I still wish you could all just come hang out with him for a day or two. He's goofy and happy and a good kid. When people comment on how cute he is, I always tell them that even better, he's a good kid.

Not from Beth....

     Just in case either of us have forgotten to add a fairly recent picture of Noah Maxx, here it is!  He's about a week away from turning 2, and thank God that he's still happy and growing!  Yes, there is the adenoid surgery coming up, but we are hopeful that it'll alleviate a lot of his speech and breathing issues.
     I (not the SAHM)  am at a much better place now for work than before, now it takes me about 20 some odd minutes to get there, versus the one hour and a half that it used to take me.  So that means more quality time in the evening with Noah, I might not always be the person who gets him in the morning but I'll just about always be the person that he'll see at night before he goes to sleep.  Speaking of sleep, at times, it feels like a crap shoot.  At times, he'll wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, and he never seem to sleep more than 8 or 9 hours (sometimes less) at times. 
    Both Beth and myself are, I think, going through lots of physical changes in terms of not feeling our younger selves as much.  We are both just about always tired and keeping up with Noah Maxx's energy levels makes us wonder if we should just be on meth or heavily infuse ourselves with caffeine.  Times like these makes me miss my grandparents even more, they practically raised kids all of their lives and did not seem to be tired at all.  It seemed like they just shouldered the burdens of everyday life and then some without the help of drugs, psychotherapy, or any of these child-rearing bullshit advice that is running rampant today.  I hope that one day, no matter what happens, Noah Maxx will know that we've tried to the best of our abilities to raise him.
   I am so glad that, on a lighter note, that our boy has a sense of humor!  He'd frequently find things, videos, people, and his own physical movements amusing without being prompted.  I mean, how do you explain humor to an almost 2 year old?  I so am hoping that he'll be easily amused throughout his life, it's a great coping mechanism, and it sure beats being so worried that you give yourself an ulcer!
   We are going to get out of town, to that oh so conservative college town two hours south of us next weekend on Noah's birthday. We will try to get another set of pictures taken by my army friend's wife, so here's hoping that the weather and other circumstances to which we cannot control smiles down on us!  He had already gotten most of his gifts early, stuff ranging from new clothes to new toy cars, plus a new tricycle made by Radio Flyer that he seems to like a lot!
  So glad that Noah Maxx is in our lives, and that he's such a good kid!  Praying for success for his surgery and we love him very, very much!
  

ENT Update

We finally had our follow up appointment with the ENT yesterday. He had a very basic hearing test as well. His hearing is fine, his ears just have a lot of pressure which might muffle things a little bit, but not enough to be affecting his speech or anything. The x-rays show that his adenoids are moderately enlarged, but everything else is fine. So, August 13th we'll take him to get his adenoids removed. The doc said it's about a 5 minute procedure where he goes through the back of the mouth up into the nasal area. The only scary part is he has to be under anesthesia.

He also had his speech therapy this morning. He's trying so hard to be understood. And he talks to us a lot. She thinks once his adenoids and ear pressure are better, he'll be more confident in the sounds he's making and will make big strides in talking.

We're optimistic and trying not to worry.

Bust A Move!

Our boy might have come to dancing later than most, but now he really likes to bust a move!

Over the hot weekend, we were at a local mall where he insists on running around instead of playing in the play area. We passed by A&F and he ran in there and started dancing to the music! This young guy working there folding shirts just laughed. Some young girls walking by noticed and laughed and said how cute he is.

At home, he'll insist on us turning on the music. We've long had an iPod in his room with two playlists. One is music to sleep to - solo piano stuff, old light jazz, stuff like that. The other playlists is his three kids cds and a couple of other tunes.

The other day he decided that the kids tunes were mostly too slow to dance to.

Last night I made him a new dance playlist. It has stuff like Blame It On The Boogie, You Should Be Dancin', Dancin' With Myself, a lot of KC & The Sunshine Band. This seems to have made him happy.